after Vivienne Plumb, The alternative plan

Plan A: find man sympathetic to children but who loves me best of all. Plan B: become pregnant. Plan C: surf web re older mothers & childbirth. Plan D: establish relationship, difficult enough without a child. Plan E: buy lingerie, stay single & childfree. Plan F: push borrowed labradoodle pup around block in borrowed $1,200 pram. Plan G: stay single & have baby that doesn’t bite. Plan H: search web for sperm donor without tatts. Plan I: have one-night stand with only gym bloke not on steroids. Plan J: prick condoms with sterile needle. Plan K: second-night stand with same gym bloke (despite ’roids). Plan L: separate finding partner from acquiring child. Plan M: search web re twins by artificial insemination. Plan N: time travel to 15^th century Florentine orphanage with Kathmandu carry pack. Plan O: move to Italy, this plan requires proficiency in Italian & a grant. Plan P: think of another plan. Plan Q: search web re overseas adoption agencies with sympathetic international agreements (finance dependent). Plan R: arrange wealthy patron, superior sperm & gravy baster without telling therapist. Plan S: observe o/s adoptees’ picnic in skanky suburb. Plan T: terminate contact with sperm donor & surrogate agencies. Plan U: visit a single mum’s chat room disguised as Leila the foetus. Plan V: join kidnapping chat room. Plan W: become novice in Our Lady Queen of Procreation Convent Plan X: pray for visitation from male angel with no active addictions & grand sperm count. Plan Y: Search web re Renaissance names. Plan Z: Change nothing.