On the last day of a week’s holiday in Berlin, I took the U-Bahn to Hackescher Markt, a shopping neighbourhood in Mitte, the soulless commercial centre of the otherwise culturally verdurous city. In the tourism literature, Hackescher Markt is a kooky hub of local designers and boutique stores, but in practice it’s a cluster of chain stores, construction sites and dingy malls. There are better, nicer things to do on a fine sunny morning in Berlin than visit the German equivalent of a strip mall, but I wanted to redeem myself after too many nights in a row of scream-talking with my friends until 7 am: I planned to go to Muji to buy two to three pairs of minimalist black cotton elastane underpants with a moralising quality about them.

Muji’s design philosophy is, appropriately, ‘this will do.’ I imagined that, rolled up in a row in my underwear draw, my this-will-do underpants would initiate a series of other sobering improvements in my this-will-do life: respond to accountant’s email, purchase health insurance policy, book in biannual dental clean.