I was so hungover I could barely swallow, but a friend called in the late afternoon while I was watching Twin Peaks and chowing berocca and told me she’d been offered Victorian Roller Derby League tickets last minute. I buttoned my western shirt, pulled on my boots, and stumbled out into the early evening light.

I’d never been to a Derby, and I wasn’t sure what to expect. Once, on a plane somewhere over the Java Sea, I saw Drew Barrymore’s Derby flick Whip It, which was pretty bollocks. But something about it stayed with me, the aesthetic, the women, the crack of their skates on the rink.