The lampoons of Number Five came rapidly rapidly on Thursday after the announcement, Dan, Jeroen and Martin Foley sporting muscle t-shirts and guns in a Fast Five movie poster, Melbourne Lockdown Number 5 lyrics to the tune of Lou Bega, the Shovel doing its usual funnies, a Chanel No.5 bottle ‘N^o. 5 LOCKDOWN MELBOURNE: EAU DE FARKED’.

And then we stopped and we fell silent because it hit us we are farked. And even the blue rain streaks falling from the clouds on the ABC 7pm News Weather Report froze life on hold.