I’m not sure if other writers feel this way (if this is ‘normal’ or if it’s created or intensified by the conditions of my illness) but the thought of my book being released has been met with a swell. I can’t be still; I feel I’m not doing enough for it. How can I fail an object I wrote? I’m itching, and not eating enough of the ‘right’ foods. I’m consumed with wanting it to be read widely, but also scared of it being read at all.

Hysteria was originally going to be published in May. But, the pandemic happened. So now, it’s September. So, the swell came twice, split by a period of rest in which I tricked myself into thinking it was a while away. Now, I can relax (I can never relax).