Masculinity is such a strange beast when you see it up close. A few weeks ago, Lynx gift packs and Triple M-branded rock compilations spawned on supermarket shelves, bracketed by novelty mugs and socks emblazoned with black-and-yellow DANGER print. Bunnings, at a time of year that must be like a second Christmas, is suggesting everything from barbecue tongs to air compressors as the gifts Dad would love. More and more with every passing year, Father’s Day presents an image of masculinity that must have seemed dated back when my dad was a new parent. It’s still a long way from the aggressively regressive kitchenware nightmare that is Mother’s Day, but it still feels like a mutually-agreed-upon time warp.

You don’t need to be non-binary to feel uncomfortable about Father’s Day, but it helps.