Bella and Mortimer Goth sit at an oak dining table. Their guests have recently left, after lingering in their bathrooms until four in the morning. ‘Hooba noobie’, Mortimer says, eating a poor-quality pancake. Bella leaves her plate on the floor: ‘Geelfrob!’ She sleeps in her own urine.

This is The Sims, and in the time of Covid-19, thousands of us are back on board. The Sims 3 is the best version, but any ladder-less pool’s a goal during a pandemic.