‘We’re doing the VCE this year.’ Around this time of year you quite often hear parents say that. (You might be saying it yourself.) For those outside the magic circle, I should explain that the VCE is the Victorian Certificate of Education, Victoria’s name for the senior secondary certificate of education awarded to Australian students who have completed high school. The SSCE is called the Higher School Certificate (HSC) in NSW, the QCE in Queensland, and so on. Except in the more enlightened ACT, the award of this certificate is heavily dependent on one final, external exam at the end of Year 12.

Whatever the thing is called, the striking thing is the growing number of parents who say we’re doing it. What, the whole family? Yes, that’s exactly what they mean. This end-of-school external exam has become invested with such grotesque importance that more and more families are falling for the crazy idea that they are all in this thing together. No pressure, kids: it’s just that if you fail, mum and dad will feel we’ve all failed.