Blog

Artists have to take a dive and either you hit your head on a rock and you split your skull and you die, or that blow to the head is so inspiring that you come back up and do the best work you ever...  >

Elsewhere
Ultimate Guide to Writing Better Than You Normally Do >

Other

< Back to Blog
0 Comments

This advert is my biggest undertaking since breakfast

JA October 15

The London Review of Books, venerated literary magazine of essays and criticism, has long been famous for both its serious, thoughtful articles and its equally unserious, slightly absurd personals section. The ads found there are of all kinds – kinky, ironic, self-deprecating, hopeful, neurotic, desperate and daggy – but the one thing that they have in common is a willingness to take the mickey out of the more conventional personal classifieds (man seeking soul-mate for long walks on the beach et cetera et cetera).

The section first began in 1998, at the behest of David Rose, the then Advertising Director and now Associate Publisher. Rose said he imagined that the classifieds would bring together similar literary types, but found that they were ‘instantly very, very silly’. The first ad,‘67-year-old disaffiliated flâneur jacked up on Viagra on the lookout for contortionist who plays the trumpet’, immediately set the tone for the many more yet to come. The LRB personals has since resulted in four marriages, one divorce and two kids, and was turned into a book entitled They Call Me Naughty Lola in 2006 (based on the ad ‘They call me Naughty Lola. Run of the mill beardy physicist – male, 46). Debra Adelaide also recently wrote a great short story drawing from the section in the Big Issue’s winter fiction edition.

A few chuckle-worthy personals are below. For more, go here.



Dear Academic Commissioning Editor,
There is no greater exposition of Guy Debord’s commodity cycle than the advertising campaign for Magner’s Irish Cider. Please publish my thesis. Or make love to me; former Whitbread employee and part time Birkbeck PhD.
M. 37. box no. 18/07

Ever been the only person in the room to take a fancy dress invite seriously? Answer me this; was it worse than attending the IAEA Christmas Party as Dr Manhattan? Failed Dr Manhattan impresario.
M. 64.
box no. 19/10

Shakespeare's sister, 36, seeks a charming man with passions just like mine for potential hand in glove relationship.

Without my grandfather’s contribution to agricultural reforms in 1912, this nation would currently have to import its turnips. While you think about that I shall remove my clothes.
Man. 55.
box no. 16/02

This advert is exactly what happens when you ignore the label’s warning and actually do ingest the Listerine.
Idiot man, 38.
box no. 16/17

Slim, good looking, literary blonde, slightly higher maintenance (37) seeks affable and well educated man, 30 – 40, for irrelevant witty emails before possible meeting. Unless you miss an email that is. I like them twice daily, one at 9.30am and a second at 4pm. Both must make me laugh out loud for hours. Neither must compromise wit, depth, literary allusion or flattering remarks at any point, even if you’re involved in a complex task for a difficult job at a time of precarious employment during a terrifying recession.

box no. 16/19

My last seven adverts in this column were influenced by the early catalogue of Krautrock band, Paternoster. This one, however, is based entirely around the work of Gil Scott-Heron. Man, 32. Possibly the last person you want to be stood next to at a house-party you've been dragged along to by a friend who wants to get off with the flatmate of the guy whose birthday it is. Hey! Have you ever heard Boards of Canada? They're amazing; I'll burn you a CD.
Box no. 3178.

This advert is my biggest undertaking since breakfast.
M, 36.
box no. 16/07

Naughtylola1


 

Our Friends


 

Only the comment field is required. Omitting the ID fields increases your risk of being mistaken for spam.